7/17/2009
7/16/2009
I can't leave my house
without being harassed by strangers on the street. Today moreso in particular. I lost track after the 6th or so person.
It all started this afternoon, leaving my apartment around 1:20pm. This is right in the beginning of the afternoon where traffic is heavy with manufacturing trucks making their deliveries and all of the people who sit out on the sidewalk in lawn chairs on the busy avenue... do that. The guys who own the two bodegas I live above as well as the primped ladies of the hair salon sit smack-dab in the middle of the sidewalk in a circle or semi-circle of mismatched plastic lawn chairs. This way you get the best view of the projects across the street.
I dodged them politely trying to exit the front door and walk up the avenue towards the train. Traffic is heavy on this humid sunny July day. A car stopped at a red light is the first. I didn't look at the car. I never do.
"Damn beautiful, you so beautiful!" A voice slithered from the passenger window. I ignored it. The voice continued. "Hold on, beautiful, I just wanna talk wit chu."
At this point the light is green and those behind him didn't bother honking so much as they just bypassed him. He pulled forward to sidle alongside briefly, only to comment, "Damn look at her walk, look at that fat ass!"
The car sped off. I am creeped out. Also, slightly offended. But mostly just uncomfortable. I had on jeans and a loose tank. The hell.
Closer to the way to the train, two more parties cat call, trailing briefly after me, and I hate my life. Others make kissy noises and I still hate my life. The rest of the day I walked around avoiding eye contact with everyone and trying to maintain as anonymous a profile as possible.
Am I ovulating or something? Am I sending out some sort of pheromones or something that illicites gross mannerisms in my direction?
The last of it comes in the form of a probably crazy-guy in front of the cafe down the block, as I'm walking back to my apartment, paper cup of tea in hand.
"HEY!" He barked, looking right past me. "That coffee, that's coffee from the guy... the same guy who makes the coffee... from.... STARBUCKS! You got yourself a Starbucks coffee!"
I didn't bother correcting him that it was tea. I don't bother correcting crazy-guy who yells things on the street. I don't think they got there by fact checking.
I decided that I can't ever leave my apartment. It's too creepy.
I pay too much to live in a neighborhood where my daily commute involves being grossed/creeped out by its inhabitants. Where I shrink into myself as soon as I step out the door.
That usually happens in minor ghettos but for whatever strange reason, be it planet alignment or just the relatively intense heat of today, impolite testosterone will always put me in a dour mood. Especially when paired with horrific grammar and mumbly street slang. Mostly then.
It all started this afternoon, leaving my apartment around 1:20pm. This is right in the beginning of the afternoon where traffic is heavy with manufacturing trucks making their deliveries and all of the people who sit out on the sidewalk in lawn chairs on the busy avenue... do that. The guys who own the two bodegas I live above as well as the primped ladies of the hair salon sit smack-dab in the middle of the sidewalk in a circle or semi-circle of mismatched plastic lawn chairs. This way you get the best view of the projects across the street.
I dodged them politely trying to exit the front door and walk up the avenue towards the train. Traffic is heavy on this humid sunny July day. A car stopped at a red light is the first. I didn't look at the car. I never do.
"Damn beautiful, you so beautiful!" A voice slithered from the passenger window. I ignored it. The voice continued. "Hold on, beautiful, I just wanna talk wit chu."
At this point the light is green and those behind him didn't bother honking so much as they just bypassed him. He pulled forward to sidle alongside briefly, only to comment, "Damn look at her walk, look at that fat ass!"
The car sped off. I am creeped out. Also, slightly offended. But mostly just uncomfortable. I had on jeans and a loose tank. The hell.
Closer to the way to the train, two more parties cat call, trailing briefly after me, and I hate my life. Others make kissy noises and I still hate my life. The rest of the day I walked around avoiding eye contact with everyone and trying to maintain as anonymous a profile as possible.
Am I ovulating or something? Am I sending out some sort of pheromones or something that illicites gross mannerisms in my direction?
The last of it comes in the form of a probably crazy-guy in front of the cafe down the block, as I'm walking back to my apartment, paper cup of tea in hand.
"HEY!" He barked, looking right past me. "That coffee, that's coffee from the guy... the same guy who makes the coffee... from.... STARBUCKS! You got yourself a Starbucks coffee!"
I didn't bother correcting him that it was tea. I don't bother correcting crazy-guy who yells things on the street. I don't think they got there by fact checking.
I decided that I can't ever leave my apartment. It's too creepy.
I pay too much to live in a neighborhood where my daily commute involves being grossed/creeped out by its inhabitants. Where I shrink into myself as soon as I step out the door.
That usually happens in minor ghettos but for whatever strange reason, be it planet alignment or just the relatively intense heat of today, impolite testosterone will always put me in a dour mood. Especially when paired with horrific grammar and mumbly street slang. Mostly then.
7/14/2009
Cakes on vacaketion
Ah the beach!
This is a rocky beach. Hello rock. Or possibly big pebble...
So big! I'm not wearing the appropriate footwear for this.
A lighthouse!
I wanna see!
Hmmm
That's better, thanks!
Oh hello crab...
Now now, crab!
Crabcakes
Big choice, play nice!
Nooooo
I found a stone hedge in the name of cakes!
7/13/2009
7/06/2009
the tiniest fist in the air
This is what I did with the new point-and-shoot my parents got me for my birthday.
This is what the macro setting does. Poop. That's what.
I received this in the mail today. I could've received it two days ago, or the day before that, or the day before that. Truth is, Adrian and I never check the mail because the one mailbox key is hanging on a hook next to our door. Very inconvenient. We check the mail when we are waiting for something, or when I come home and am okay with the idea of going up the stairs twice.
Anyway, I am glad I did check the mail today because I received a lovely Par Avion from Adam Coates. Enclosed were "somethings by people and me."
Things I didn't know:
Adam Coates is from the UK.
Things I did know:
I am really itchy right now.
I read the whole thing. Some of them twice. Because single sentences can sometimes be read very quickly in succession. Hopefully my Par Avion will be just as great.
Before that, I was literally chased around my kitchen by a zebra mosquito. It was very aggressive and bit my feet a lot. I waited for it to land on me and killed it.
They are tiny, mosquitos, but their greedy bloodthirst makes them sloppy and stupid and easy for my hand to squish the life out of them. Stupid Asshole.
This is what the macro setting does. Poop. That's what.
I call it "Ode to all the Sonofabitch Mosquitos in Brooklyn"
I received this in the mail today. I could've received it two days ago, or the day before that, or the day before that. Truth is, Adrian and I never check the mail because the one mailbox key is hanging on a hook next to our door. Very inconvenient. We check the mail when we are waiting for something, or when I come home and am okay with the idea of going up the stairs twice.
Anyway, I am glad I did check the mail today because I received a lovely Par Avion from Adam Coates. Enclosed were "somethings by people and me."
Things I didn't know:
Adam Coates is from the UK.
Things I did know:
I am really itchy right now.
I read the whole thing. Some of them twice. Because single sentences can sometimes be read very quickly in succession. Hopefully my Par Avion will be just as great.
Before that, I was literally chased around my kitchen by a zebra mosquito. It was very aggressive and bit my feet a lot. I waited for it to land on me and killed it.
They are tiny, mosquitos, but their greedy bloodthirst makes them sloppy and stupid and easy for my hand to squish the life out of them. Stupid Asshole.
7/05/2009
forpete'ssake pt. 2/6
"It's like you said," Toby repeated. "You won't get anywhere just staring at it."
Cass chewed the inside of his cheek. He had been talking about this for weeks. Toby listened diligently, if only because he had no other choice. They were confined to the same living quarters. Neither of them left ever. They talked about leaving. A lot. They talked about what it would be like. If it would be better. Better enough to bother. All they knew was that leaving meant never coming back. They couldn't even conceptualize a return, it was so big an undertaking. The bowl was all they knew.
It wasn't that they didn't like each other. They didn't have all that much in common, but they enjoyed each other's company well enough. They were polite and shared the space. By the time Cass had moved in, Toby had already reliquished the idea of personal space. He was far too old to squabble over mere inches.
"I don't know," Cass repeated. "I mean, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm gonna eat your food and take over your castle," Toby retorted.
"Hah, okay Toby. I hereby bestow upon you the lease to my castle," Cass chuckled.
This was the very day Cass told Toby he was heading out. He wasn't really all that concerned with what Toby would do. Toby was self sufficient. Toby didn't need or want anything it seemed. He was perfectly content to float around all day in the same circles, watching the light bend at the appropriate intervals of the day. Toby loved just existing. Cass did not know love, he only knew that he wanted to.
"Now's a good a time as any other," Toby sighed to himself. They both peered out the glass.
Cass said nothing. He felt it before he had formed a proper opinion about it. He felt it from the tip of his head into the depth of his belly. It shook his whole body, this kind of kinetic sensation. Before he knew it he was doing it. An epileptic spurt like whiplash and he was in the air. Broken the surface. He gulped from the shock. It was so cold. Colder than he expected. He couldn't see anything properly, just the cold light that blinded him. And it was loud. There were sharp vibrations everywhere, rushing at him like furious pinpricks. His body felt awkard and he didn't know what to do with it. This new world seemed to grab hold of him and he could go nowhere of his own accord or will.
Cass suddenly missed his castle. He missed Toby. He missed the warmth and the current. This wasn't right. This was no place he wanted to live. He knew only that he couldn't go back. He would die here. He never said goodbye to Toby. He was sure Toby was watching, unable to comfort him, unwilling to follow.
Toby shut his eyes before Cass lept. He saw it in his eyes before he did it. He had always told Cass, you just have to do it and before you know it, you're doing it. That's how you do something you are afraid to try. You just have to jump.
He felt a bit of remorse and quickly forgot it and looked in the other direction. It was quiet now. And it would remain quiet for as long as Toby could stand. The current slowed to a standstill. With enough gentle goading, it only took a few days for Cass to hop the bowl. The problem with Cass is that he would summon all the courage from the stories Toby would tell him about what awaited him outside the bowl, but he would always forget about it soon enough. Toby was patient. He was use to repeating himself.
Toby drifted to the castle and tucked himself neatly in a lightless crevice.
I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE, quickly marquee'd through his mind.
He smiled to himself and listened to the dense hush that pressed into every part of his body.
Cass chewed the inside of his cheek. He had been talking about this for weeks. Toby listened diligently, if only because he had no other choice. They were confined to the same living quarters. Neither of them left ever. They talked about leaving. A lot. They talked about what it would be like. If it would be better. Better enough to bother. All they knew was that leaving meant never coming back. They couldn't even conceptualize a return, it was so big an undertaking. The bowl was all they knew.
It wasn't that they didn't like each other. They didn't have all that much in common, but they enjoyed each other's company well enough. They were polite and shared the space. By the time Cass had moved in, Toby had already reliquished the idea of personal space. He was far too old to squabble over mere inches.
"I don't know," Cass repeated. "I mean, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm gonna eat your food and take over your castle," Toby retorted.
"Hah, okay Toby. I hereby bestow upon you the lease to my castle," Cass chuckled.
This was the very day Cass told Toby he was heading out. He wasn't really all that concerned with what Toby would do. Toby was self sufficient. Toby didn't need or want anything it seemed. He was perfectly content to float around all day in the same circles, watching the light bend at the appropriate intervals of the day. Toby loved just existing. Cass did not know love, he only knew that he wanted to.
"Now's a good a time as any other," Toby sighed to himself. They both peered out the glass.
Cass said nothing. He felt it before he had formed a proper opinion about it. He felt it from the tip of his head into the depth of his belly. It shook his whole body, this kind of kinetic sensation. Before he knew it he was doing it. An epileptic spurt like whiplash and he was in the air. Broken the surface. He gulped from the shock. It was so cold. Colder than he expected. He couldn't see anything properly, just the cold light that blinded him. And it was loud. There were sharp vibrations everywhere, rushing at him like furious pinpricks. His body felt awkard and he didn't know what to do with it. This new world seemed to grab hold of him and he could go nowhere of his own accord or will.
Cass suddenly missed his castle. He missed Toby. He missed the warmth and the current. This wasn't right. This was no place he wanted to live. He knew only that he couldn't go back. He would die here. He never said goodbye to Toby. He was sure Toby was watching, unable to comfort him, unwilling to follow.
Toby shut his eyes before Cass lept. He saw it in his eyes before he did it. He had always told Cass, you just have to do it and before you know it, you're doing it. That's how you do something you are afraid to try. You just have to jump.
He felt a bit of remorse and quickly forgot it and looked in the other direction. It was quiet now. And it would remain quiet for as long as Toby could stand. The current slowed to a standstill. With enough gentle goading, it only took a few days for Cass to hop the bowl. The problem with Cass is that he would summon all the courage from the stories Toby would tell him about what awaited him outside the bowl, but he would always forget about it soon enough. Toby was patient. He was use to repeating himself.
Toby drifted to the castle and tucked himself neatly in a lightless crevice.
I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE, quickly marquee'd through his mind.
He smiled to himself and listened to the dense hush that pressed into every part of his body.
7/02/2009
as long as you live/ as long as you want
10 centuries ago, reaching your early twenties was a big deal.
Now that I'm here, I am seriously considering making a big deal.
Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old.
Today is my birthday. I am 23 years old.
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